Written by
These are words that carry a very deep meaning for me. These are words that were first spoken to me by my teacher Riccardo Wildties in 2021 and have since played a profound role in how I have tried to live my life and how I view my kinbaku. Kinbaku is in itself a microcosm for who we are in our daily lives, who we aspire to be and our relationship with the people with whom we tie. Despite kinbaku being a journey without a destination, kinbaku is also a fleeting moment of beauty never to happen ever again. Those circumstances that gave beauty to a tie, or even just a moment in a tie, can never authentically be replicated again. That, to me, is what makes kinbaku so fascinating, because at its core it is a mirror for our souls that will never show the same reflection again. This is why kinbaku is something to be deeply appreciated in the moment that we should allow ourselves to be captivated by and appreciate for its transience..
In my journey I have also come to find kinbaku is also about those whom we share our souls with. Not just the person tying and being tied, but those around us as well. Those that share in witnessing souls being flayed and laid bare. Those who appreciate what is being displayed for how personal and deep it really is. Those who can appreciate and love that aspect, and love those who authentically bare themselves often become family. Because showing ourselves in this way makes us vulnerable and thus those who appreciate that for what it is become special to us.
For the third year in a row I have been with my KinbakuOdyssey family, celebrating the birth of a space that has become a collection of experiences of those baring their souls, and those who have witnessed those souls in their most authentic and vulnerable moments. When I first visited KinbakuOdyssey I did not know what to expect but, from the beginning I was treated as a friend and a family member. Even when I was asked to bare my soul with my partner I didn’t feel fear but, respect, love and adoration for what we were able to share together. Family is not only who you share blood with but, it is whom you share a soul with, share beauty with and share love with. KO is a place where I have family, where I am treated as their family and a place where often my heart stays behind when I leave. There is a special energy here, when you step onto the tatami, it makes you want to shine the brightest and be the most authentic you can be. This year I was happy to witness, appreciate, and hopefully create some authentic, but, transiently beautiful moments.
As I mentioned, it is never easy to step in front of a crowd and tie, let alone allow yourself to be vulnerable. It’s even more difficult to be the first person to do so. So when I watched Zenjute and Thaimeuppls step onto the tatami I was floored at how comfortable and natural they looked doing so. Everything starts with gote in the style we tie, as they say, and from the beginning when they first began tying gote their kinbaku was about themselves. I felt their relationship, their journey and their love in every rope. They wanted to show “catch and release” with their bondage I feel so deeply that they not only displayed that but showed how profoundly that has been a part of their relationship together. There were moments that only a couple who has gone through a journey together of peaks and valleys could have gotten through. There were also moments of catharsis in the end that really allowed me to peer ever so slightly into their souls. When the final rope had come off I was floored at how unique and powerful they were together and I was honored to not only witness them but, capture some powerful moments together for them.
When I step onto the tatami, the lights hit me and I look at Aly, my partner of 6 years. I am always blown away as she takes her spot in the middle of the tatami kneeling in seiza. As each rope goes on I think about the struggles, success, beauty and ugliness that we have gone through. I find myself happy that our journey has once again led to being here on this tatami, in this space, under these lights. As I watch Aly and see her struggles, her strength and her beauty, I am so grateful to do this one more time. I remember watching Iroha-San talk about her own mortality and the passage of time and how someday “The show will be over and there will be nothing more” and every time I tie I think of this. I think of how in the moment this could be the last time I see her cry, I see her struggle, I see her beautiful eyes look back at me and I always give my all to her knowing it could be the last time. As the ropes come off I am once again honored to have shown who we are to those around us and to be able to share with my family how we have grown since we first came here. All I think about is “I love you all, thank you.”
Kinbaku, as mentioned, is about relationships and the uniqueness that is created in those relationships. Watching Paige sit quietly and beautifully in seiza while Odys walked up to her created this palpable energy I had not experienced before. I watched two people who had grown immensely use ropes to tell their story. The story of growth, struggle, love and friendship. Kinbaku is about moments, not just the whole. Their tie was a collection of beautiful moments that I still have deeply etched in my mind. One that I think of often was the slow tender moment of Odys removing the gag and the feeling of relief from Paige was stunning, then watching them share a kiss. It was a moment of incredible intimacy made stronger by knowing them as I do. I watched two people who have so much story left to be written together show not only how they had grown together and how much they had overcome in ropes and life. But it was also how much of their story is still to come. It was something that moved me and was one of the greatest moments I have beheld in my journey. At the end listening to Odys speak about how he was so happy to be tying his partner for this event made me think on how kinbaku can also be romantic in a way nothing else is.
KO always has this nebulous feeling of love, honor, respect and authenticity. It is a place I am happy to have a home in and it is a place where there are those I love. KO is also a place that helps me remember why I think so romantically about kinbaku. To everyone who allows us year in and year out to visit, share ourselves and let us watch you share yourselves I love you deeply for that. KO like Kinbaku is a journey without destination and I look forward to seeing where all of our journeys will take us.